Welcome back, dear readers, to Hilarious Bootleg Toy Showcase. After an all-too-long hiatus, Anime Jump's pride and joy is back, ready to bring you more incredible strangeness from the world of bootleg toys.

This time around, our specimen is a very... er, unique piece picked up in China. It's a painted hollow plastic figurine of Son Goku, Dragonball's lovably-dumb hero. Various amusing artwork and inscriptions are found on the box, which identifies him as "Xun Wukun"-- for he shares the name of Son Wukong, the monkey hero of Journey to the West. Anyway, the figure itself is equipped with a propellor, and is meant to be hung from the ceiling by a piece of twine. In theory, the figure would be just light enough to allow the momentum from the propellor to move the figure around in a circle. Unfortunately, I never had a chance to test this theory. But the toy is still amusing, for a number of other reasons.

The piece itself isn't bad-- it sports the typical ugly, spotty paint job, bad sculpting, and cheap manufacture. In fact, this figure was so cheap that its head snapped off somewhere in transit. While the prospect of a flying, headless Goku is hard to resist, I'm a bit loath to insert batteries in this thing. I find it all too easy to imagine the toy spewing a six-foot jet of flame upon getting juiced up. The figure may be very special (in much the same fashion that short school buses for the mentally handicapped are "special"), but the real find is the box.

The box is hard to describe properly without laughing hard enough to vomit. As you can see in the top picture, it's festooned with all manner of random English words and bad fan art of Goku. But there is much more to the box-- as you can see above, the reader is warned that this toy "MAY PRE-HOUSE THE SEAMY SIDE VOLITATION!!" The true meaning of this phrase is unknown to me, but I think this text might be a warning against using the toy to sodomize your lover. After all, you wouldn't want your lover's seamy-side volitation to get pre-housed; I'm told it's most unpleasant.

All of this pales in comparison to the lengthy instructions and disclaimer on the back of the box. The sheer level of nonsense that this fractured English reaches is sublime. "Prythee no sport with stingy or play aspersity game," it chidingly advises us. It goes on to warn against the dangers of playing at sith to a certainty bolt up power supply fetch out batteries. Really, this box's art would make for a great dadaist play. Picture it:

Man #1: Winding finger have got bloodstream not wallk.

Girl #22: Throagh of peril!

Dog #6: Tad disport of time grown man taletage.

Man #1: Till the cowcomes home!